End of an Error

This is the end of an era. The end of terror.

The era of pain and schismatic rage has come to a close. Will has come again.

Now is the dawning of the age of Aquarius. Water are us. 

Or love. Or hope. Or the molten gold ever flowing, pouring out to fuse the cracked heart.

To refuse the dark to restart the art of atoning that fixes and keeps it running regardless.

The age of apes grown up and childhood spirits returned to the sender.

The tender stalks in the blender. The vegan protein and jars of iced coffee.

The frozen cherries lend a sweetness. Tarts and treasures. Hidden pleasures.

Bonus games along the way.

Time flows and madness knows what is not clear, what crawls on rocks beyond reach.

Baby rattlesnakes without warning fork no fear in front, a display of play at the rear.

The end is near, the silence after the years of silence.

Words rise like distant suns split cloudy skies with long light rays.

Night is always on the menu.

The stage is set, sold out the venue, sound is checked, they’re waiting for you.

In the green room stands the one who holds the grace of a holy face within the secret space.

The show goes on, there is no cancellation. No beasts and no nation. Exit is performance.

There will be no protestation loud enough. No alarm pulled can halt the forward motion.

No platform to speak of something, anything like love.

God is nowhere, God is now here.

Good is not nothing. Good is no thing.

All good is being. All being good.

To be or not to be, it is no thing. Not nothing.

Nothing but a flightless bird wing, a dinosaur adapted to living

in service of singing rodents on the surface of a spinning magnet.

A growth of purpose. A eulogy for judgment, a ceremony of internment.

A camp of internal learning forms around the fireplace.

The stars in their firmament stretch into filaments.

We are here. We are. Here, we are. Here we are.

Are you here? Are you clear? Are you over it?

Not above it. Not below it. But understand you are standing under it.

To hold, to help, to heal, to feel. You are the hand.

You are manual. Not automatic. You are the gear shift.

You are the transmission of power. You are the drive.

You are life. You are alive.

I ❤️ TRUMP, WHITE MEN, CONSERVATIVES and DOGS; and why you should to.

Hello specifically to those who come here with anger in their belly. I greet you with a digital chamomile tea and a virtual hug. Now, down to business. The business of feels. There are going to be levels here. We will hit them. We will surge through them. We will trickle and seep drop by drop through the sediment and reach the deep waters.

Why do you hate Donald Trump? Go ahead and list the reasons in the comments. I’ll get a cup of coffee.

Now that you’ve gotten it out of your head and onto the eternal internet, isn’t hating people the thing you stand against? Are you rebranding your expression of hate, because it’s yours, as the only reasonable and rational response to a dictatorial tyrant? Do you celebrate side-eye shade and bold fashion choices in a charm offensive but overlook abhorrent transgressions against humanity? Do you even know what’s going on elsewhere? What about everywhere? Do you think you’re right and that’s that? Hubris.

But it’s not about what you say it’s about what you do. Even so, what about empathy? You’ll fight for prisoner’s rights (maybe) but not president’s rights. How do you judge which person is worthy of empathy and understanding and which is worthy of hate?

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Practice what you pin, eh?

Do you use the silence means you side with the oppressors argument? Okay, then dogs are complicit in evil, because they don’t bring signs when they go for a walk, and that guy in a coma is on the wrong side of history because he didn’t disavow. The same argument you use to discredit supernatural claims applies here: the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence. Something about witch hunts and McCarthy. Keep reading.

Actually, not saying something is not the same thing as saying something. 😀

That would be a false equivalency. Anecdote time! My friend from Moldova gives me directions while I’m driving. He always tells me to go left, unless he says right, sometimes with a finger pointing in an indeterminate direction…but either way, there’s a sense of disconnect from the generally accepted definition of left and right and of where he actually wants me to go. Regardless of language, destra/sinestra, links/recht, mindenfelé… fewer people know port and starboard but that’s not important right now, what’s important is accuracy in speech when it comes to driving directions. Standards in language help improve this accuracy. His directions are not standard. That’s not because he believes Left and Right are interchangeable. And that’s not because they are culturally constructed differently in the place he was born. Left and Right are universal structural characteristics of all species with medial symmetry, such as vertebrates. The spine predates language, but it is mapped with mouth sounds in the form of language. The map does not change the location of a mountain if it is drawn incorrectly, and left does not become right when he calls it that. Fortunately, because I interpret his tone and context, and make an educated guess, we don’t crash or get lost. Because I take the whole person into account, with compassion and patience, I know which way he means for me to go, regardless of the word or hand. Imagine how much more smoothly things would run if we had this kind of consideration in the interpretation of everyone’s language.

My friend is intelligent, capable, driven… does he know left from right? Of course. Would he lie to deliberately throw me off? Doubtful, since he is also in the car, and our perfect record of successfully reaching our destination. Google Maps and Waze have both given me directions that would have led to my death on many occasions, had I not the awareness of possible inaccuracies in the much needed navigational assistance I receive from them. Should I abandon navigation aids altogether? #NeverMaps

In a similar guidance role, would the president trade a few jokes for the safety and security of himself and his family, maybe the whole country or the world? Not fucking likely. Would he risk everything just so he could make the most innocuous of quips from an imaginary monologue in the yet to premiere The Late, Very Late Night Show, exchanging the style of puerile taunts we’ve all participated in extensively in our youth, the specific meaning and personal significance of which we will never know or comprehend as these two interlocutors understand their own communication. It’s not just an audience of Americans with which he is communicating. We, as readers, as people who are so far removed from the Official World Leaders Club: A Real Thing; we don’t have a clue. We have assumptions and speculation. Opinion, not knowledge.

Know enough to know you don’t know enough.

Or are you willing to pontificate about stuff you don’t—you can’t—know as if you know it? Are you comfortable being a boastful blowhard or a bullshit artist? Isn’t that what you call Trump? Becoming like your enemy is victory… for your enemy.


You want him to say something else? Oh, I see. Besides the fact that demanding people say something else, or else, is a total #bully move, it’s #compelledspeech. Which you can guess from the name is the opposite of free speech. The phenomenon of “So what you’re saying is…” followed by some heinous straw-man accusation, is putting words in someone’s mouth. You don’t stand for it in personal relationships, so why do you want it to characterize international politics?

This radical new thing called deplatforming, shouting down other people? It’s #controllingaf and clearly infringes on the right to free speech we Americans enjoy. The Constitution clearly affords us the right to dissent and to petition the government for redress of grievances. The first amendment to that document, is first for a reason. It’s the most important one because it’s the one that makes everything else work. It’s the first line between democracy and dictatorship. Between freedom and fascism. Between the individual life and the mass grave. If you want to defend the constitution, whether you consider yourself a patriot or if you just plain old love freedom, then defend the right to free speech, first, before any other right you think needs defending. #ConstitutionalVibes

Don’t be a fascist.

Some people enforce their singular will and call it antifascism. Those people are also listed as terrorist organizations. “This is how it should be for everyone.” is the first line of every fascist manifesto. Don’t seek to enforce your morality on everyone else. Convince people it’s a great way to live by living it yourself. Do I want Trump to be president? I don’t want any president, ever, but some people do and that’s okay. As long as it doesn’t apply to me, or anyone else who doesn’t want one. Enjoying rights insofar as they don’t infringe upon the rights of others. Makes sense, right? Right. That should answer the question until the end of time.

Do you disagree with the president’s principles, if you know what they are? Just say so. Do you go so far as to champion a defense of the underprivileged and underrepresented minority victims of the oppressive partriarchy promulgated by an evil nazi fascist alt right neocon greedy republican basket of deplorables which is embodied in the esurient amber avatar of Donald Trump? Okay, calm down. Perhaps radical egalitarianism has caused you to conflate history with hyperbole, despotism with democracy, unilateralism with universalism, exaggeration with explanation.


When you call someone names like President Cheeto Fingers, you’re being ablist, mocking those phalangetically challenged. Judging someone based on their skin color, their personal expression, that’s some good old-fashioned #bullying, finally a treading topic of discussion. You’re actually cyberbullying the President. Let that sink in. Let all the rationalizations for your actions come up in your defense, on how it’s different when you do it, when he’s the target, that he deserves it. Why do you think he says, “everyone loves me” and we all know it isn’t true, including him. Why? Because fuck you, that’s why. Do you remember being bullied? Do you remember boasting, puffing up your chest, spewing a newly acquired swear word that came off not so much menacing as it was maudlin? Did your tormentors laugh at your threats? My dear fellow trolls and bullies: where is the moral high ground now? If you’re a hypocrite and a bully… now what? Do you want to listen to a hypocrite and a bully tell you how things should be in the world and what you should do? If you won’t listen to others, will you at least listen to yourself?

“Just giving that bully a taste of his own medicine.” Reminds me of a certain nuclear tweet exchange. Wait, was it low-key clever or descending to the level of dicktater?

NoH8 Familiar Faces Page

Well, except the hate we harbor in our heart of darkness, because this particular hate, this is the good kind of hate, a hate so righteous and just and well founded and credible, and all other hate is wrong and evil and destructive and should be stamped out with an iron boot. How fucking convenient. Who decides the “good” hate and the “bad” hate? A committee of superficially diverse people with the same opinion? Like a jury? A Stalinist show trial? How many people are on the jury? Who picks the jury? Are there independently established quanta regarding species of hate? Is there some scale or metric of what’s fair and allowable? Any scientific papers or equations you can point to, or is it just like, your opinion, man? Your feelings?

Jordan Peterson Meme
Actual Cathy Newman quote: “Why should your right to freedom of speech trump a trans person’s right not to be offended?”

Is your opinion even your opinion, or is it formed by the people surrounding you? What if you only surround yourself with people who agree with you and don’t offend your senses? That sounds like someone you profess to hate. That’s the echo chamber you decry, and in the center, the double-edged Sword of Projection that deals equal damage to your opponent and yourself. It’s the chemotherapy of psychology. Mutually assured psychic destruction. I hope you live through it.


Maybe you don’t mind the double edged sword. Maybe you are like those poor souls who commit suicide by cop, or climb to the top of a bell tower, or enlist to kill and be killed, all under the sway of the belief that violence against people is a reasonable and good idea given their circumstances and experience, up to and usually including killing themselves. These tormented folk who believe that there are too many humans, who think that birth is a mistake, who end the life of their own children still in the womb that this whole human thing is all a big mistake and everything would be better if there were no people anymore. #Nihilism #AntiNatalism in the NewYorker and on Twitter.

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Hey waitaminute… I remember this sentiment from somewhere. Oh yeah, the Old Testament! It’s what the god character said before he sent the flood to destroy his own creation which had grown morally corrupt, leaving a STRAIGHT ORTHODOX JEWISH MAN to restart civilization through back-breaking labor on the impossible task of ensuring the harmonious continuation of every single species of animal and every inch of beach and every leaf of every forest, in general, to deal with circumstances beyond his control and comprehension, to avoid consequences he didn’t create. So, a president?

But it can’t be a straight old white man who saves everyone? Can it? There are good types of people and there are bad types of people, apparently. It’s better to be these than those?Some cause problems and should be punished, dealt with accordingly, shut out and shut down. Kicked out like a stain on our beautiful flag, like a virus in our healthy body politic. That has a familiar ring to it. The germ theory of a sick society, in need of a purge. It’s what the National Socialist Workers Party used to genocide religions, races, political views and sexual expressions or whatever else they deemed unfit for life, inhuman, suboptimal. Mao, Lenin, Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, all the classic mass murderers that presided over the deaths of the equivalent of a third of the current US population. You can get those numbers by nuking New York City, about a dozen times. For scale: Hiroshima & Nagasaki combined were a tragedy to the tune of ~200,000 lives lost.

To think some people should die but others should live, and some of them should rule, is to paint oneself in the image of evil, of a monstrous inheritance compiling so many of the traditions you hate, that of a jealous, vengeful god, who recognizes no other law but its own—from a book considered evil stupid bullshit, mocked yet rarely understood or even read. To stand in judgment of other people and bring about the downfall of a fellow man is to emulate the real, despised persons from recent history and memory, and a character from the old religious stories, because it’s fiction and you don’t like some of the scenes.

Despite the whole cloth rejection of fictional stories from the bible or other surviving religious teaching traditions, you’ll proudly proclaim to be a Mockingjay or a Hufflepuff or a Hobbit or Stormborn, and you’ll celebrate the murder and torture and revenge killings in countless other films and books because the murderer is a girl with a dragon tattoo, and you can indulge in the fetishized traumas you’re attempting to overcome through reenactment of the torment you experienced on unrelated and innocent victims of your choosing. Yet you hate a book because the one guy is an asshole. That thinking is what I like to call ass-holy. There’s something in the bible about it being easier to see the speck of dust in someone else’s eye than it is to see the log in your own. To judge a peer on an allegation in a court of opinion, where only you are above reproach. In other words, authoritarian. Are you the god we should abandon? The god which should die?

Are you defining people by their race, gender, political views? There are no more individuals if there are only groups and avatars of these groups. Do you not see the racism of assuming privilege or oppression based on race? I’m talking specifically about the hypocrisy of hating someone from an anti hate platform. I’m talking about excluding someone from a platform of inclusion. About judging someone from a platform of nonjudgmental acceptance. Today, you’re not going to be kicked out of a catholic church for being openly gay, but a liberal company will fire you for being openly conservative.

…Because the so called CIS gendered homophobic patriarchal alt-right is oppressing itself?

I’m talking about the trend of celebrating (only approved) differences, promoting multiculturalism (with the exception of American and European cultures, it’s okay to stereotype the shit out of them, ex. the racist #DearWhitePeople) encouraging all forms of sexual expression, unless it leads to more white or other undesirable babies. That would just be awful. “They had their turn, it’s our turn now,” If #TheFutureIsFemale, should men be scared, defend themselves, enact a preemptive strike? Is this a healthy path?



If only men wrote history… or if only women wrote the dictionary, would either be unbiased and equal?

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So anything that you say about men as a whole or women as a whole, is an example of sexism. Unless it’s a scientific fact. For instance, men are defined as having two different forms of allosomes; women are defined as having two of the same form of allosomes. Indisputable fact, not sexism: men and women are fundamentally unequal, as individuals are fundamentally unequal. If you don’t think this small genetic difference is sufficient to make an organism significantly different, please refer to Down Syndrome, caused generally by a full or partial extra copy of a single chromosome.


  • Believing women just because they’re women.
  • Giving a man a better salary than a woman, just because he’s a male.
  • Give up your seat on the bus because you’re a male and a female entered the bus.
  • Survivors of the Titanic — Crew: 87% female, 22% male; Passengers: 75% F, 20% M.


Family court cases generally favor women, restraining orders are written out without restraint, men are put on sex offender lists for life because of false accusations. Even though nearly half of the victims of domestic violence are men. Pass judgement based on suspicion without evidence, where “credible allegations” equal guilt? This is a gross perversion of the legal system, which has enough problems as it is. Innocent until proven guilty. PROVEN. Not suspected. Not credibly alleged. P-R-O-V-E-N. Otherwise it’s manipulation and persuasion; also known as a lie. Perjury. It has also been known as bearing false witness.

Maybe something like: All victims should be believed, if they’re women, except the women accusing Bill Clinton. Or any other Democrat. Because Democrats are the best. Except they were the party of the majority of slave owners in America. Oooooooooooohhhh… Good thing identity politics is a removable label.

I wonder if you can appreciate the wicked irony of using freedom of speech to shout down the freedom of others, using the right to peaceable assembly specifically to disrupt the peaceable assembly of others, or calling for violence and death against those who call for violence and death (it’s okay because my reasons are better), of participating in a movement of millions to harass an individual who has been accused of harassment, to perpetrate online bullying of a seventy year old father and husband, and then promote cyber-bullying laws and talk about family values. The twisted logic of condemning customary hand gestures during a public speech as white supremacist microaggressions and applauding the unmistakable gore of a man’s severed head as the constitutional expression of artistic dissent. Rank hypocrisy.

How can men and women, African and Asian, Muslim and Atheist, all be equal if the oft maligned and inherently unfair power structures of the entire animal kingdom including humanity, would magically and instantaneously become virtuous and balanced were they controlled by black muslim lesbian trans women? If there’s no difference in the person, then how would there be a difference in the outcome? Either they’re different or they’re not. They are different. Everyone is. Are these differences superfluous social constructs? As if the edifice of culture were a mere painting on the uniform canvas of genetics, easily covered or removed. Identity politics is explicitly racist, classist, sexist, discriminatory and reductively superficial in the fullest sense of these words. It’s self-contradictory.

Either people are fundamentally and individually variegated in genetic expression over time, or they’re all the same, all the time. Evolution can’t exist if everyone is the same. Genetic mutation over time is the basis for evolution. Treating things the same that are not the same is inane. Take numbers: 4 is not 5 and can’t be used interchangeably, no matter how much four wants to be five and calls itself a five. Does that mean five is better than four, is there an implicit bias towards fourishness? No, obviously. As in mathematics, chemistry, physics and biology, difference is built into the science. If you think a Russian man and a west African woman are the same or even interchangeable, you’re a science denier. Every individual is different. What of equal value? Value is locally relative and culturally established. Biology predates culture, therefore social constructionism is predicated on biology. Height is not a social construct. Neither is skin color, bone density, genitalia, etc. Our biology creates our culture, and our culture influences our biology in feedback loops of sexual selection and environmental pressures from climate and resources, etc. I’m not claiming to understand everything, but I know enough to know it’s a bit more complicated than just because the patriarchy.

What scientific evidence exists in favor of ideologies such as feminism and socialism? Is there a double-blind, placebo controlled study that concludes there is no difference between males and females? That’s a big no. How about the operation of The Modern State? Is that supported by any scientific methodology, or is it in fact directly contradicted by the open source case log of history? Has anyone been able to prove through experiment that socialism works? Or has every single experiment across cultures and scales falsified the claim that socialism is the way of the future? That’s what I thought. It always amuses me when people say “you’re on the wrong side of history” Like they fucking know the future. They don’t even understand the past. It’s just bullshit sophistry.


A barista in Seattle told me the other day that the evolution of political systems leads from democracy through capitalism to socialism. She said it like it was fact. I didn’t ask her where she heard this utter nonsense. But I understand the reasons why. Like any toddler caught between a lie and a beating, the choice is hard, the choice is moral. The importance of integrity between your thoughts, speech and actions is nearly impossible to overstate. Yet I understand why the toddler chooses the lie instead of the beating. And why this barista thinks socialism is the answer. Survival. Physical survival. Moral turpitude but physical survival. An intact body with a broken spirit. Is it better to die morally or to live immorally? You will die regardless… but how did you live?

It is no more rational to silence people to further the cause free speech or kill people to achieve peace as it is to fuck your way to virginity. But Christians are the stupid ones?

Let’s not insult, berate and taunt each other (unless you’re the late Greg Giraldo, and you’re invited.) Let’s not make assumptions. Let’s actually talk. Let’s keep talking. When goods stop crossing boarders, the armies start crossing them. When words stop flowing, blood starts. Let’s not shoot, let’s speak. Let’s not silence, let’s listen. There is something you need to read if you haven’t, and again if you have.

1984 was a book you should have read and should read again, now more than ever.

And then, read Real Time Relationships. So we can have conversations where we don’t already know what a person is going to say. Because we actually don’t know. We have a hypothesis, but the experiment is conversation. Imagine a scientist who just said, “this is what will happen, for sure” and then just wrote the conclusion and filled in a spreadsheet with results, without actually doing the test. Then they discredit any contradictory reviews and experiments. Even when their conclusion is repeatedly disproven by actual experiments with real results, they maintain their position. That’s not actually a scientist. That’s someone in need of a real conversation to get to the bottom of all this.

Policies are not worthy of respect, viewpoints are not worthy of respect. People are. Life is worthy of respect. Consciousness. Countries don’t require protection, people do. Ideas do not need compassion, people do. Look: love can only benefit people, it doesn’t hurt. If it hurts, it’s not love. Tough love is bullshit. You’re thinking of Stockholm Syndrome or Uncle Tom Syndrome or traumatic bonding. Humans have been shown to require love to survive and to be mentally healthy. As a matter of fact, pretty much all mammals need that connection, which has something to do with oxytocin and vasopressin. Mammals that are gay, dark-skinned mammals, autistic mammals, mammals convicted of crimes, religious mammals… we’re all mammals, people. Donald Trump is a mammal, a person. Therefore, I love him and you should too. Not like that.

If you have trouble understanding what love is in this context, you really need love. If you have a visceral response due to your previous and unrelated experience of the world, perhaps a person treated you badly… maybe therapy will help. Maybe CBD oil, or Psilocybin, or LSD. Perhaps transcendental meditation. Maybe you’re depressed (listen to this) or “busy” and don’t have the time or energy to love anyone. That’s okay. Do you have the time and energy to just stop hating people? What does it cost you to stop hating? If you can spare it, that’ll be enough to push the balance of the world a little farther towards the right. Every little bit helps. And we are all only a little bit. Even a thought helps. By the same token, every bit of hate hurts, even the thoughts. It hurts you too, because we are all in it together. So, your hate and resistance is not actually helping. Not at all. Hate is making it worse. It’s dividing families. Listen to it though, don’t block it out. It has something to say as well. Ask. Listen deeply to find the root of it. Speak freely.

The good news is, if you have the energy to hate someone, you have the energy to love them, too. The energetic exchange rate is in your favor, converting Hate to Love. It’s like going shopping in ’08 Zimbabwe with $$$. A little goes a L0000000000000000NG way. Exchange hate for love and your wealth will increase exponentially. Go ahead, try it. Take a more charitable view of the people you despise. Be less hateful.


This is not meant to serve as an attack on the office of the president or a defense of any actions undertaken therein. This is not an apology for, nor a surrender to, anything. This is a call for rational discourse. This is an appeal to reason and ethics, to decency and humanity. We cannot reach the content if we don’t first commit to the conversation. I will not join you in marching to the battlefield or in marching to a protest rally, but I will join with you in public debate. I will actually listen. I’ll listen in a way you will probably not even recognize. I will view you kindly, as another person like me. This is best accomplished in person. Less so in the comments below, but on the phone is ok, too. Text. WhatsApp. Messenger. Instagram. Skype. Shit, even LinkedIn.


How are these all the same species? External sexual selection, i.e., breeding. I celebrate their individuality and recognize their commonality. Works with humans, too.

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Ears for Fears

No mandates

or prohibitions

No shame no blame

No judicial decision

no rhetoric can

ease the condition

Of people who kill

For a bit of attention.

Oh, So, now you listen?

Fed up being fed into

A perverted system

Drugs or detention in

Preparation for prison,

Scheduled to the minute,

But something’s missing:

Is anybody listening?

The way to stop people

Is before the decision

That life doesn’t matter.

Is it really worth living

Without the respect

we all fully deserve?

Before the trucks swerve

Down crowded streets,

is the drive for community.

Before the need to hurt is

The need to be heard,

And be taken seriously.

The cure in a word: listen.

The Counter Intuitive

Never underestimate anyone.

Life exists and that’s proof enough it is more powerful than death. And even if life is extinguished completely, never to return, and yet it does, popping up in a new form, lovers over dinner and intellectual banter, cicadas on biochemical dimmer switches, watermelon jolly ranchers and dissolving stitches, we are always coming back together, we are always building bridges. Artisans of scorched wood, thermite charged with playing a peaceful corpse in the world premiere production of united dominations, see it first or see it last, you will see as the sinister mob sees with hidden fees and unpaid dues for dividends in arrears for years and forgive us for we know not what we do to hit continue one more time of all the twitching lines that seemed ripe until the first bite and it’s rotten inside the beautiful hide you ride or fly in a lie of the emperor’s new clothes, truth is contagious share the wealth of our ancestors table scraps of a feast from a fable in a fairy tale castle and weddings like funerals conveyors of coffins dance on like ducklings into the sewer later or sooner it’s beads on a skewer or a calculator, what’s useful gets used up without remainder. A brown butcher paper flap creased along its center of mass, died twelve thousand and seventeen meters later in a bionic bird nest.

Carbon Footprints 👣 

Quiet for a moment

Let everything speak at once

The forest of geometries leaves nothing out

Ravines deepen at night and fill at dawn

Go on down as far as you dare

Set foot to stair as the light dries

A place to visit but don’t live there

Let us notice that we notice ourselves

The whole thing knows itself

The mess on painted shelves

Level and square stacked salt

Nature grows us as crystals.

We make crystals too

We are nature too

Making ourselves

Hands of five carve space into life

We the highly reactive compounds

We cannot help but leave a trace

Let us not walk lightly through this place

Let us encrust the entrusted trusses

upholding the starry dome of consciousness

with the wet dust of our yearning mineral pigments

Let’s leave a fossil record

Evidence in layers of sentiment

Let the shape of our loving bones

Impress the ancient stones

And prove we’re not alone

I Get Up At Five

Why don’t you just appreciate the people you brought into the game of life through the gate of your physical being, the man who unlocked you is within them and within you an eternal unending loop and he still loves you despite your tendencies and misdeeds and still he would rather you not leave and still he says return to me and make the whole thing a romantic comedy not the self pitying tragedy of promiscuity and reasoning for tyranny that runs through everyone if we are honest with ourselves at least, but to deny it so is a travesty. 

Harmless hold one another in the embrace of vine and tree, as it was then, is now, and ever will be. Believe in none of these shiny new suggestions, but question your long-held stands, your cast iron demands and out of the frying pan lands you in the fires of your own wroth, the spark of thought begot and forgot. So skilled in satisfaction self-applied for sustenance and healthy confidence, prowl and stray while your real wealth is away, the half of your limited days. 

And then what’s the play? For one I repent of my ways and I’ll wish you the same for your renaissance day, I would give you the gift of your beautiful lives to have and to hold again and again, a reminder of what we are, what I am, what I would have done if it were my one and as cruel a mistress did to me what has to the speared father and sacrificial son, the little mother a wounded womb with what’s been done; may you be spared the rod for spoiling the children so skirted and shunned. 

The reflex, the routine program we run upon drowning: we just push people down to escape the terrible sea but we can learn to swim, it’s actually incredibly easy with such calm waters we’re in. The tree and the lake are forever your home, wood nymph, they need you now more than you know, but one hundred percent of the time, though. Persephone sleeps beneath dirt sheets every other week, and for what? The bitter seed to spit at the feet of the dark lord we can all someday be. 

You get the love you deserve through your loving service, sorry that’s just how it works, pardon me sorry not sorry because it still fucking works which is more than most can say, but hey, if you can pretend with me like it meant something, you can do it again, but for real, from now on and without end, with humble heart amend.

9 Ways Not Being Not Together is Not Not Better

  1. Ambiguity

    The cave we fear to enter holds the treasure we seek. Also a dragon. What does it all mean? Something! Maybe.

  2. Negativity

    With all the red flags, you’re basically skiing a downhill slalom through hell, and the breakup is a gold medal. The ability to avoid predators before you become prey is a proven winner, so bend your knees and mind the trees, because a cougar’s been stalking you. Like, even though she hasn’t done anything to you. Can’t a leopard take a walk by herself without being accused of hunting? Not really, no. 

  3. Time

    What you used to spend with them you spend some other way. Hiding in your bed from the world or lunging for a hasty replacement. Those are options. You could also be meditating, reading, learning about why you make such idiotic choices and how to not; literally every other option is still available.

  4. Anxiety

    Why didn’t you return my text(s)? Honestly who does that? Not a person I want to be with. I want someone who respects me no matter how much I disrespect them. But wait, maybe I was too hasty, I’ll give you a call. I’m sorry I said that. What I meant was no thank you, please, you’re blocking my peace.

  5. Energy

    The drain on your adrenals, your emotional resources, the frustration is finally gone, and with it the refuelling station for sugary feels, the familiar and cloying security, the cuddling and intimacy you came to depend upon. But as coffee is not a substitute for sleep, your flat confidence can’t be replaced with spare attention. Which brings us to:

  6. Addiction

    Being in love is literally having a chemical dependency. It’s also a high the rest of life can’t really compare to; no mountain summitted or snorted, no gold medal or investment, no corporate merger brokered, nothing compares to the lovers whose love is a stable, sizzling circuit. If you’ve had it, you’ve lived long enough, if you’ve still got it, you won’t live long enough to have had enough.

  7. Privacy

    You can brush your teeth alone, stretch out in the bed alone, shower alone, ask yourself insightful questions to consider the unexplored depths of your character alone, and post to Facebook about how #blessed #grateful you are for your awesome job and great friends and #lifegoals without anyone giving a shit or calling you on it. #airhugstomyself

  8. Communication

    Especially if it was rough at the end, if you were like two babies banging pans at one another or starting snowball fights in a nuclear winter, remember all the times you totally understood what they were saying and agreed or were fascinated by their stories, because these were invaluable training hours you logged towards your human pilot license. So this one crashed, okay, fine. Playback the black box and trace back where you lost connection with the control tower.

  9. Growth

    You feel stagnant and want to mix things up a bit, so you’ll go vamping in the forest and learn you’re the source of it. A cicada shedding its skeleton, a flower blooming, a frog freezing and thawing. Death is the beginning of something unimaginable to come. This is like that but you’re still alive. More.

What Does She Want

She wants to break up because I posted on the internet.
But nobody reads it. 
So privacy is just a myth,
a legend of the internet?
And still, nobody gives a shit.

So nothing is wasted
No lessons no time and
you’re back baton twirling
in a country pickle parade
An accidental walk-in from
Some strange friend again
With the island folk and the
Passionate love we made
Same old news was new for you
Was just starting to get used to…

She says goodbye because
I’ve been a little quiet
I shouldn’t have to wait this long!
I’m sorry, introversion is a bitch to everyone sometimes.
You’ve labeled me unpleasantly, so fuck off and die.

Talk the long game and
Walk the chorus line
Ring leader leaves you
hanging high on the trapeze
Sell me something sleazy
swirling umbilicus of fate
pull off the duct tape
one way to appreciate how
fear of rejection and projection
selection pressures
predicate ejection measures.

Spelling Be

I feel every day is a new world, shredded by a black hole, and does it even notice? The next day I’m the black hole, a bit stronger maybe somehow. Here are the blessings of brokenness. Christ. Zen. The beginning is the end.

Whatever, words are maps and not the places we live. GPS may say turn but there’s a wall it didn’t mention, intentionally or not and you find out soon enough unless you keep your head up. Look all around and what amazes and confounds you is the mystery you wish to solve.

So boil away the fat, separate the chaff, the flesh, the seed, the beast with two backs, the dirty deed. A social contract consent form must be notarized and faxed. What are you grateful for? What do you give back to the person who gave to you, or is the world a thing which serves?

What is it we allow, and what are we allowed? Who are we and what is now?
Is this a game in a patronizing tone?
Is this the way to build a home?

So let’s suppose we exist in words. But words don’t exist. Behavior is complex physics, there’s no such thing as luck. So why not fuck and feast and lie and retreat from every heart, alone in the high castle, atop the ivory tower, upon the iron throne?

In the midst of alchemy, distilling the essences of what words mean to me, whence your work is disturbed by the sound of horns, and you send the boiling oil, the flaming arrows and trebuchet, and all the swords you own over the fence down there into the vermin hoard, peasants, burn their homes if you’re bored! Those poor hungry creatures you’ve ignored, why not share, before it’s not yours to share anymore, before it’s pried from your cold, dead hand. I always win, she said. The mage replied, maybe you have.